About two months ago we went to Ikea with my parents, and they bought us a crib for the new baby’s room. Now that we’re getting the room set up, I unpacked the box to put it together. Unfortunately, one of the QC inspectors must have been doing a Sudoku at the factory because the left side piece had the inside holes drilled on the outside and vice versa. I called customer service to arrange a replacement.
The first hassle was that I didn’t have the receipt — my parents did. I suggested that it shouldn’t really be necessary because it was obviously an Ikea piece — it’s not as though I bought it at K-mart. But no, they have a firm receipt policy because, you know, I might have gotten it on Craig’s List second-hand. I said that even if that were true, the piece was clearly defective and should be replaced on that basis alone, no questions asked. But more important, they were alienating good customers in order to keep from being taken advantage of by a few. How much money can Ikea be losing from people picking up something on Craig’s List, trekking to the closest store (they’re not exactly as ubiquitous as Starbucks, you know), and demanding a replacement?
If I supplied them with the credit card information for the transaction, they would be able to look up my receipt … in about 2 or 3 days. Apparently it takes a great deal of time to process such a request. The records are stored in the same room where the Ark of the Covenant is hidden. I got the info from my parents, submitted it to them on a Saturday, and they were ready for me on Monday. The phone rep checked for me, and they had them in stock. Eleanor and I pack up the defective piece in the car and head out. At the store they look up my reference number. They apologize for the faulty piece. They need to get a replacement from the self-serve warehouse, so Eleanor and I go to lunch in the restaurant. I have Swedish meatballs. Eleanor has ketchup and french fries.
Upon our return they tell me they don’t have any in stock. They tell me that I should call the self-serve warehouse every day to check the stock and have them put one aside when it comes in. I politely suggest that they should do this, and then ship it to me. I want this fixed without having to do anything else. But they claim that they can’t ship it to me because it will get damaged. Wha????? Don’t they ship things all the time? Don’t they have a catalog and a web site that allows you to order things that are shipped? I want to ask, “Are you mad?” but instead I say, “It’s a piece of wood with holes in it. You’re telling me it can’t be wrapped up and shipped to me without being damaged?” I mean, really. That a customer service rep can look me in the eye and tell me with a straight face that the combined efforts of Ikea and UPS cannot transport a piece of wood to me unharmed is really too ridiculous to tolerate.
My guy realizes that if he can’t fix this problem I’m going to ask to speak to someone who can. So he’s off to talk to someone above his pay grade. Amazingly, it turns out they can ship it to me! It’s taken me at least an extra half hour to get to the place we should have started from. I am weary, and Eleanor is getting cranky, but at least I won’t have to come back again.
Now watch them send me the top of a credenza by mistake.
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